I never thought I would feel depressed. For some reason, I thought people would have to have psychological precondition to experience deep depression. And I just didn’t think I was one of them. I thought if I hit a low point in life, I would just feel really down. And that I would feel emotional pain for a little while, feel unmotivated and would need to just pick myself up and piece myself back together. I thought that way until a few months ago when it hit me. And it hit me hard!
With the ending of the Mechanical Difficulties project and some other struggles in my life, I fell into a black hole deeper than I have ever been in my life. Deeper than I thought possible. The level at which I had rated my emotional strength before was shattered. The feeling of hope and ambition – gone. The idea that emotional pain can’t be comparable to physical was flipped upside down – I physically felt emotional pain and it was terrible. I even found myself thinking “I totally understand how some people see suicide as a solution in a place like this.”
I was very hesitant whether or not I should write this post at all. This is by no means a cry for attention or promotion for self-hurting. I decided to write this because I want to reach someone who might be going through difficulties. My hope is that if I put this article up someone will find it as a source of support – because I know I needed some.
I’m putting myself out here publicly and honestly pouring out the truth. I too was hopelessly down, but there is no shame in falling, and it DOES get better. It truly does!
As cliche as this sounds, it does. Even if 99% of the time it doesn’t feel like it, eventually color starts returning to your life. Things that feel cold and unhappy will return to their naturally warm and joyful state.
You are worth fighting for!
Getting out of depression is not easy, but you can do it! It doesn’t happen overnight and no one is going to do it for you. You are going to have to be your own best friend and pull yourself out.
Start with baby steps – it is alright, you are just starting. A baby doesn’t start running around the maternity unit a few minutes after being born. So take it slow, a tiny step every day will get you far. Even if it’s as small as going outside for a breath of fresh air. The next day you can go for a walk around the park. The day after that you can go to the zoo.
Rely largely on your thinking brain to make decisions for you. Make it a mission to pull yourself out. Keep treating yourself to new experiences and things you like. Start bettering yourself by trying new hobbies, learning new things, reading about subjects you are passionate about, joining a gym, etc.
But don’t forget, it is work, and you will stumble along the way. You will fall and feel that you put so much effort into this, and it is still not getting better. I felt that several times, but you know what? You get back up and keep building yourself up, keep loving yourself, and before you know it you feel better.
I had a moment not too long ago where I discovered “Wow! Holy Sh*t! I am happy!”. I know it sounds totally cliche, but that’s really how it goes. You do get better! You just have to hang in there and work on it like a soldier. But instead of fighting for a country… you are fighting for the most important thing in your life – Yourself.
Friends and family
Of course, you should also surround yourself with family and friends who care. And keep telling them how you are feeling and how life is difficult for you. Even if they are not asking – you take care of yourself, so you tell them. That’s what they are for.
But also keep a steady rotation in the people who you tell about your hardships – occasionally give them room to breathe, then they can be there for you again.
That being said, I still believe there is no better friend for you than yourself! Keep pulling yourself out, pushing yourself up, and loving yourself, even talk and listen to yourself. You will make it, and you deserve to!
You are your own best friend!
It gets better
By better, I don’t only mean better than when you hit rock bottom. It actually gets better than the best you’ve been so far in your life!
Yes, there is no way you believe me now. I heard it from some people when I was depressed and I thought there was no way that could be possible. But it is possible and it is true.
After you work on yourself so much you will discover an incredible strength within you. Something that so many people don’t have, yet you built for yourself. No one can take that strength from you, they can only challenge it and add to it. It is incredible, you will feel like the Iron Man.
Failing is good
Now that I’ve gone through something so tough in my life and have gained so much from it, I feel great! Failing made me stronger – and thus I now welcome it again. When I do fall down again into the deep darkness, I will rise even stronger. It’s like a superpower!
Life got so much better through failure that I hope there is more coming so that I can grow even more and the bar of maximum happiness can be raised even higher.
Thank you for reading! Even though it took me just a couple of hours to put this article together, I feel it was a product of months of work I had to do with myself. I also hope someone finds this article supporting. It’s not really the usual type of content I create here on this blog, but that might be changing. We’ll see. I invite you to stick around and read about my future failures that I will also be posting about. 🙂
If you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, you are welcome to reach out! Cheers!